by Cassie Howard | Jul 24, 2017 | Blogging |
I’ve felt resistance to sharing what I’m about to share for a long time now. I feel guilty. I feel like a fraud. I feel shame. I feel stupid. And yet I know, it needs to be said. Anything you keep inside yourself just builds and builds and builds and you get to the point where you just EXPLODE, and often not in a good way. I don’t want to explode. I’ve been exploding for years and it doesn’t make me feel very good. I made a commitment to myself this year that I would share what I needed to share instead of letting it build up inside. This is the kind of thing that has made me fall asleep crying. It’s stopped me from talking to people I want to talk it. It’s had me avoiding events and even PHONE CALLS with others that I don’t actually want to avoud. This is the kind of thing that makes me want to run away and hide. This the kind of thing that honestly (and I know this sounds really fucking ridiculous) just makes me want to quit everything. Drop it all. Forget it ever existed in the first place. I think to myself: “Who the hell do you think you are?” and “You’re doing it wrong!” and “No one likes you.” and “Everyone is talking shit about you behind your back.” And it keeps going – On and on and on and fucking hell, I just need to get it OUT. It’s been eating me alive for months now. I was triggered this morning by my friend Phillipa, when she...
