I used to believe in work/life balance.
I used to believe that the only way to be successful was to learn how to “turn it off”, “tone it down” and give myself strict work hours.
I used to believe everything they said. The internet marketers, the magazines, the “experts” themselves.
But separating my business from my life, though I tried it, never felt like the smart thing to do.
When I had set work hours, and it was time for me to be done working, all I wanted to do in that moment was work more.
All I ever wanna do is hustle! And sometimes I wish I didn’t.. sometimes I wish I was more present with my family, every day I feel like a bad mom because my kids see me on the computer and my phone all the time. Sometimes I wish I had an “off” switch because the guilt fucking eats me up inside.
When I see other happy families at the mall, at the park, everywhere.. and none of the parents are on the phone, and instead interacting with one another or their children, but all I want to do is get online and post on social media, or send an email, or talk with my clients –
It fucking hurts.
I tell myself all the time, “get off the phone, Cassie, be more present”, but I just can’t.
I don’t know how to turn it off, and deep down I don’t really WANT to, if I’m being honest.
The mom guilt is daily. The wife guilt is daily. The GUILT is daily.
I’m honestly always wishing better for my kids. I hurt myself by saying that they deserve a better mom. A mom that knows how to turn it off, knows how to slow down, knows how to be THERE 100%.
I am not that mom.
I doubt I will ever be that mom.
And OF COURSE I love my kids and want to be there for my kids 100%, but I know that me not being 100% present 100% of the time isn’t because I don’t like them or want to be with them, it’s because I want to create something FOR them. I want to build this empire for THEM. It’s never been for me. It’s never been for anyone but them.
And it’s hard to see the long-term sometimes. It’s hard to allow yourself to do what you need to do because those judgy fucking PERFECT moms just roll their eyes when they see you pull out your phone, they whisper behind your back about how you “never put that thing down”, they give you that “HOW COULD YOU?” stare while you’re scrolling through your emails at the same time you push your kid on the swing.
When your family asks you to take a break. When they tell you that you NEED a break. But you know you just need a break from them sometimes and that you know what? THAT’S OKAY, TOO.
Because no one sees you behind closed doors.
When you beat yourself up inside for not being the perfect mom you thought you’d be.
When you cry yourself to sleep because, again, you weren’t 100% present for your kids that day.
When you have so many internal scars that you’ve mostly given to yourself.
Everyone criticizes. I get it. I know you’re judging me. Hell, I judge myself. It’s a constant battle of “I want to be perfect” and “I fucking hate perfect”.
But what are we really doing here? I mean, really? What’s the POINT of all of this?
Why are you ALIVE?
I’m alive because I’m on a mission. A mission to empower women to be 100% okay with who they are and to create an empire for themselves and their families being just that - who they ARE.
I’m alive because I want my kids to see that I built my own empire brick by brick. I want them to see that I made sacrifies, I did the hard work, I did what I knew was necessary to get the results I want, to make the change I want to make in the world.
I want to show them discipline.
Committment.
Courage.
Determination.
I want to show them that I never gave up. Not once. Not for anyone. Not even when people tried to convince me I was wasting my life, that I was hurting my kids, that I was making a mistake, that I would wish I had this time back..
I want to show them that I pushed through. Because I want to make that impact. I want to change lives, change the world, change the way women are viewed. To show how fucking POWERFUL we really are.
I don’t want my kids to think I was just a mom. That all I did was clean the house, make meals, play with Barbie dolls and toy cars. I want them to see me as a strong, independent woman who made a difference in the world, and who did it with THEM by her side. Who ocassionally picked up a Barbie doll. Who every so often played with cars.
But who, more importantly, showed them the true definition of living life on YOUR terms. Of changing lives. Of doing GOOD.
I will not let the guilt stop me from doing what I came here to do, because I know I need to do it.
I’m a mother. But that is not all that I am.
I’m also a wife.
A leader.
A friend.
A mentor.
A changemaker.
And I WILL NOT BE STOPPED.
I will not let others who disagree with my way of life convince me to be more like them.
I will not let the “perfect” park moms make me feel bad that my making money and doing business deals while my kids play at the park.
I will not let friends & family stop me from the every day hustle, the every day grind that is my life.
No one will stop me.
Because my mission is stronger than the disbelief from others. The opinion of others doesn’t matter. All that matters is ME, my mission, and what I’ve been called to do.
I want you to know that you are not alone. That the guilt you feel is a guilt felt by many women entrepreneurs in your shoes.
Remember why you’re doing this. Remember YOUR mission.
Know that every sacrifice you make will be worth it.
There will be hard days. There will be easy days.
But most of all, there will just be okay days.
Whatever the day brings, keep showing up as you. Keep moving forward. Keep doing what you need to do, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Don’t forget –
You really can do, be and have EVERYTHING you want. Take action now and don’t let anyone stand in your way.