I used to think that pleasing others was more important than pleasing myself.
How selfish of me to put myself first. That’s not what Mother Theresa would do. Or Ghandi. Or Princess Diana.
How DARE I put my needs above others.
For years, I struggled with wanting to do things, but not doing them because it wasn’t “fair” to others.
I grew up with a lot of fucked up beliefs –
I can’t make more money than my partner
I can’t make more money than my parents
I need to “climb the ladder” and “wait my turn” for success
Talking about money is shameful and rude
I look back on myself 10+ years ago and all I see is a sad, lonely girl with big dreams, constantly being told that she CAN’T.
Somewhere along the way, I think I got lost. I think I started to follow and believe in the dreams of others, and forget or ignore my own, because it “wasn’t my turn yet”. I was told that success isn’t easy, that it takes a LOOOOONG time to attain, and that, even if I DID achieve it, I would do so at a great cost and it wouldn’t be worth it in the end.
And so somewhere along the way, I gave up on my idea of success. I got frustrated. Annoyed. And I really think that, deep down, I stopped believing that what I desire is actually possible for me.
I stopped listening to my gut.
I stopped trusting my instincts.
And instead, I let the opinions of others steer me.
I had people telling me that my dreams were too big, so I made them smaller and more “realistic”.
I had others telling me that my dreams were too small, so I made them bigger.
All the whole, not knowing what the fuck I really, truly wanted and WHY.
I let myself walk around, confused, basically just trying everything and seeing if it would work out in my favour, instead of tuning into what I wanted, and following THAT path, instead of the one that others were trying to get me to follow.
I gave up on things that weren’t easy, but I knew would get me wat I wanted.
Why?
I had to do some serious mindset work around this, but it ended up being a fear that 9 out of every 10 people also have - looking stupid.
I was afraid that if I failed, I would look stupid and other people would make fun of me. Laughing and saying “I knew you couldn’t do it!”.
You likely have the same fear, as I’ve found that most people do (sometimes they don’t even realize it until they look at past behaviour - where they usually discover that they go out of their way to avoid looking stupid!).
And if that’s the case, I want to share something with you that I wrote for myself:
WHY THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS SHOULDN’T MATTER + OTHER FACTS OF LIFE –
- Those that judge others often have nothing better to do with their time and are just jealous of you. Feel sorry for them.
- They aren’t the ones living MY life, I am.
- They don’t pay my bills, I do.
- Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect, even those that appear to be.
- If you aren’t willing to look stupid, you aren’t willing to experience your dreams.
- Mistakes are a way of like and happen to teach you something; embrace them, don’t fear them.
- The more I try, and the more I fail, the closer I get to hitting it big.
- Proving someone wrong is one of the best feelings in the world.
- Only surround yourself with those that will build you up, not tear you down.
Pleasing others means nothing if I don’t first please myself.
You can’t care for, help, or support another person if you don’t feel supported as well.
You must do YOU, first things first.
As a mother, this is something that used to be really hard for me, but now, it’s a priority. No matter what, I get my ME time every day, because if I don’t, my family are the ones who suffer.
Even if it’s just 30 minutes in the morning to read and journal, do something for yourself every day that makes you feel amazing. That connects you to your soul; to your WHY.
Pleasing YOU is 10x more important than pleasing others. You need to come first. Only then will you truly be able to fully give yourself to others.