If you ever want to make an introvert feel like they want to die, throw her into a room full of people trying to talk to her.
Any other introvert out there will agree with me on that!
Which brings me to the story of my first ever in-person networking event…
I’d been working with my coach for just a few weeks. I hired her because I was brand new to the coaching industry, and although I knew A LOT about business and making money online, I knew nothing about the coaching industry or how to make money teaching people everything I knew about business.
Although I didn’t have the money, I hired her anyway (thanks, Visa, for the loan!) because I know that only stupid people say NO to something they know they need. Sure, I could have figured it out on my own. I didn’t NEED a coach. Except, I wanted to get known and make money VERY FAST. Which meant –
I needed someone to help me do that. So I hired my coach. And one of the first things she told me to do?
Go to a networking event so people get to know who you are.
*cue internal screaming*
I tried to get out of it.
I gave as many excuses as I could.
I said I’d do ANYTHING ELSE, just please not this, don’t make me do this!!
But –
She said I needed to do it.
She said it would help.
She said it wouldn’t be “that bad”.
Easy for her to say; she wasn’t the one that was being told to throw herself into a room full of entrepreneurs and strike up conversations with strangers!
But yes, I did it.
I went to the networking event.
I dressed all fancy, acted like I cared about what everyone was telling me, hiding in the back of the room, trying to be ignored (yet secretly hoping someone would come and talk to me and make me feel better).
I drank the drinks.
I listened to the mind-numbingly BORING stories.
I tried to care. I really did.
But you know what?
I hated every fucking second of it.
I didn’t hate the people. I didn’t hate the event itself. What I hated was being told that I NEEDED to do something that, deep down, I knew just wasn’t right for me.
I thought there was something wrong with me when the event ended and I felt so poorly.
I thought for sure that I was a total failure.
I believed that maybe this coaching thing wasn’t for me, I can’t even be in a room with other entrepreneurs for a few hours, how the hell am I gonna coach with them every week?
I remember crawling into bed that night thinking I was a total fuck up and that my idea of coaching was laughable. What was I thinking? This will never work the way I want it to. It’s never going to be as fun and as easy as everyone else I see having success with it - clearly they are extroverts that love people and can handle all of that!
But the next morning, I woke up and felt something different –
I felt like I had given myself a verbal smackdown while I slept because that morning I decided that I WAS gonna start this new coaching business. I WAS gonna be successful with it. I WAS gonna work with clients I LOVED to talk to every week. I WAS going to make a LOT of money. I WAS going to change lives. And most importantly?
I WAS gonna do it on my terms. And that means no more fucking networking events!
I don’t care if Frank Kern does them.
I don’t care if Kimra Luna does them.
I don’t care if YOU do them.
I’m not gonna do them. Because they make me want to claw my eyes out.
Thinking about this today, it brought up other instances where I had “fuck no” moments that I made the decision to NOT do something, even though it seemed like the “right” thing to do, and even though it seemed like everyone else was doing it –
Like when I’m asked to get on the phone for a “coffee date” (or worse - IN PERSON). Fuck no, thank you.
Like when I’m asked if they can “pick my brain” for 5 minutes, as if my time and the money I’ve spent to learn what I know, means nothing. Fuck no, thank you.
Like when I’m asked if I can offer a scholorship to my program because they are just so broke. Fuck no, thank you.
Like when I’m asked if I can offer a 12-month payment plan for a 5-week mentorship. Fuck no, thank you.
Like when I’m asked if I can participate in a summit and then spam my community with multiple emails and FB posts about it. Fuck no, thank you.
I’m sorry –
But FUCK. NO.
And yes, I will probably come off as a bitch for saying this, but the answer is NO. And I really - TRULY - don’t give a shit if you don’t like my answer. Trust me, there are LOTS of other people out there who will do what you’re asking for. Go bother them.
My time is SPOKEN FOR.
If I’m not working with my own VIP clients (that have paid me very good money for my time, which entitles them to surpreme service and support!), I’m working on my own business.
I’m writing emails to my tribe
I’m brainstorming with my team
I’m working on my mindset
I’m creating new content
I’m setting up new programs
I’m fucking around on Snapchat (YES, this is work, and it’s amazing!)
I’m writing some more
I’m speaking, creating videos and livestreaming
I’m selling, selling, selling, all day long
I am freakin’ BUSY okay?
That being said –
For certain things
For certain people
I WILL make the time. I WILL shelve things on my to-do list to participate in something a friend/client (same/same) asks me to participate in IF IT’S A GOOD FIT.
So in all honesty –
It doesn’t hurt to TRY
To just ASK someone for what you want
But please –
Respect that people have boundaries. Some people don’t enjoy getting together for coffee (virtual or not) so you can “pick their brain” and learn all of their secrets that they invested thousands of hours and thousands of dollars into learning themselves.
If you ask, and they say no, it doesn’t mean they’re a bitch.
Also know that YOU don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do to be successful in business.
If you don’t enjoy networking events, don’t go to them.
If you don’t enjoy livestreaming, don’t do it.
If you don’t enjoy selling 1:1 mentorships, don’t offer them.
Do things YOUR way.
Today (and every day, honestly!), tune in to what you really want for your business. Ask yourself what would make you happy. What does your PERFECT business and life look like. Get specific. Lots of details. What do you NOT want to do anymore (just because everyone else is doing it, that doesn’t mean you need to)? What do you WANT to start doing (but maybe haven’t done because you don’t see anyone else doing it, assuming it must not work, or maybe that people wold judge you if you did it?
Get clear.
And start acting on those gut feelings.
Being thown into a room full of entrepreneurs is scary and overwhelming, but what’s worse? Going to ANOTHER situation just like it and experiencing the same. Just say NO to what you do not want.
It’s always, always worth it.