The other day I caught myself.
I was talking about the weather to one of the mom’s at the park after school.
And then we started talking about summer plans.
In the middle of the conversation, my face must have shown my disgust at the realization of what was happening, because all of sudden she said she was going to be late for a meeting, screamed at her son that they had to leave, and booked it outta there.
As soon as she left I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. And then I got down to business –
The business of reminding myself who the fuck I am.
And I am not “one of them”. I know you know what I’m saying! If you follow me, you likely also feel as though you’re not one of them.
You’re not like the others.
People think you’re weird.
You’re called anti-social or stuck-up or bitchy, because you’re often off on your own, avoiding small talk like the weather and summer plans like the plague.
It’s a terrifying feeling isn’t it? The feeling of being one of them?
Of getting caught in their being of mediocrity.
Being at the park after school with my kids is one of my worst nightmares. It’s almost a guarantee someone will try to talk to me. Even with my headphones in!
And I can feel it, too.
I try to fight it, I try to energetically push them away, because I know, I just KNOW –
We’re gonna end up talking about shit that ain’t important.
“Oooh it got a bit chilly this week, didn’t it?” (Dunno. Didn’t notice.)
“What are your plans for the weekend?” (Avoiding human interaction, what about you?)
And deep down inside I’m just SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS –
Noooooooooooooooo! I’ve been caught! I’m trapped inside of this “normal” bubble! If I stay here much longer I’m gonna turn into one of them!
Not to say these are horrible people. Not to say I’m better than them. Not to say that they are wrong for wanting to say hello and ask me how I’m doing.
I’m not THAT much of a bitch. 🙂
I’m grateful that people are relatively friendly around here. It makes me happy to be around happy people who WANT to talk to me.
And I DO want to talk to others - sometimes. Just not about 99% of the stuff that they always seem to talk about.
That terrifying feeling of being one of them?
Is a feeling so strong, so damn POWERFUL, that when you’re IN it, it’s near impossible to get out. It tries to suck you in. It tries to tempt you with the comfort of it all. Because the majority of the world lives like this, it can sometimes be hard to separate yourself from it.
It’s hard to be different.
It’s hard to forego mediocrity.
It’s hard to stand up for what you REALLY want and REALLY believe in.
But you must you must you must YOU MUST –
Be who you truly are.
You must run from those who are mediocre, if you want to be extraordinary.
You must refrain from speaking about things that make your soul angry and speak only about what truly lights you up (fuck anyone who doesn’t like it!).
You must stay true to what you were born for - what you came here to do.
YOU WERE BORN TO DO BIG, POWERFUL, IMPACTFUL WORK IN THIS WORLD.
And the truth is –
You can’t do that work when you’re being “one of them”, insead of being all of YOU.
It’s time to be you, now, always - forever.
Ok? Ok. 🙂
xx,
Cassie