I know.
You’re probably thinking that subject line was click-bait, huh? Except it’s not. It’s completely true!
Everything I know about business I learned from porn!
When I worked in the adult industry from ’99 until the early 2000’s, I was pretty much the black sheep in my family. In fact, I guess I still am the black sheep, except today people also understand that I know what the fuck I’m doing and they just leave me be, HA!
I remember being embarassed about it at first. Like I didn’t want people to know what I was doing.. except.. I was GETTING NAKED ON THE INTERNET, so it was only a matter of time until people found out! Needless to say, my family wasn’t too impressed (my mom, who I was still living with at the time, even shut off the internet, thinking that would stop me - but I just went to friends’ houses and used theirs).
I went on to build a pretty successful business in the adult industry, making thousands of dollars a month just being me. It was my first glimpse into what wealth truly was and what it felt like.
This morning I was thinking about how far I’ve come in the last 13 years of working online and I realized that pretty much everything I learned about business, I picked up by working in the adult industry.
PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE AT YOUR CORE
Even though, yes, people were paying me to take off my clothes, what I learned early on was that the majority of my followers wanted to know ME.
They didn’t JUST want to see me naked, they wanted to know who I was as a person. What my favourite TV show was, did I like to travel?, what my thoughts were on ______ (current situation going on in the world).
Some people would even pay me just to talk to them. No nudity required. They said I made them feel important and they liked who I was as a person. I still get “happy birthday” email messages from a few of them each year!
How you can apply this today: Show your community who you really are. People like to know who it is that they’re learning from. It’s not only about _____ (what your area of expertise is). Share your thoughts & beliefs, give people a behind-the-scenes glimpse at your life.
YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE VULNERABLE
I was not, and never have been, completely comfortable in my own skin. Although I definitely felt better about myself before I popped 2 kids out, I never truly felt “fuck yeah, I am a sexy bitch!”.
So there were a lot of times when I just didn’t want to get in front of the camera. I didn’t want to show up for my community because I felt unattractive, I felt boring, I felt like no one would give a shit if I showed up or not (turns out, they did!). And in the beginning, I allowed myself to hide. I would wait until I felt comfortable showing up again and people would always ask where I’d went and why I disappeared.
It felt good to know that people missed me. When I explained that I didn’t feel good enough, sexy enough, fun enough, every single person told me I was crazy. They reminded me that they liked me for who I was. They told me they thought I was sexy and fun all the time. 😉 From then on, I showed up every day, regardless of how I felt. And it ALWAYS made me feel good to know that I was able to be vulnerable with my peeps.
How you can apply this today: Pay attention to the excuses you tell yourself around why you aren’t showing up as often as you know you should. And then tell those excuses to fuck off and SHOW UP ANYWAY. Trust me, no one cares if you’re not wearing make-up in today’s livestream. No one cares if you have kids in the background of your video. No one cares if you start rambling. YOUR PEOPLE WANT YOU, however way you choose to show up.
THERE IS A LOT OF FUCKING MONEY TO BE MADE
The first time someone ever paid me $500 to send them a couple dozen webcam photos of myself I thought I’d won the lottery. I was like “really? $500 for something that honestly took me less than 5 minutes?”. I couldn’t believe that someone liked me THAT much that they would send me that much money just to get private photos of me.
I had another person who just wanted to send me gifts all the time because he said I made him happy.
At one point, I started up my own “solo-girl” website, which was a membership site that I charged a monthly fee to access, and members would get access to weekly content. I attracted HUNDREDS of members and some of them are still members today and pay that monthly fee, even though the site hasn’t been updated in almost 10 years!
I then started photographing other adult models and selling the content to friends of mine who had “multi-girl” websites and made a freakin’ killing doing that (thousands of dollars for a few hundred photos and a day or 2 of work).
The money just kept pilling up. And then I wasted it all, which was a lesson, and a whole other post all together!
In every industry, there is a lot of money to make.
But in the industry you’re in right now - the industry of YOU - there is EVEN MORE money to be made.
And it’s fun money, because essentially you’re getting paid to simply be yourself, share what you want to share, say what you feel called to say, do what you want to do, and be who you are. Being able to get paid for that feels amazing of course, and the more amazing you feel, the more money you will make!
How you can apply this today: Accept that you can always make more money, so long as you can recognize the opportunities and take action on them. Maybe you don’t want to take your clothes off for money. That’s cool. But maybe what you’re doing right now can have another stream of income added to it. Brainstorm what you can do. Take action on whatever feels good.
UNDERSTAND YOUR AUDIENCE AND PREDICT WHAT THEY WANT & NEED FROM YOU
I learned early on that if I didn’t give them what they wanted, they wouldn’t buy.
And what they wanted? Was ME. In every way. 😉
Not just my body, but my mind. They wanted to know me. What I did for fun (and then a behind-the-scenes glimpse into that), what I liked to eat, where I liked to travel - everything.
Of course, they also had specific desires. Like the crazy foot fetish dudes who would beg me for as many pictures of my feet as I could. In heels. In boots. In running shoes. In flip flops. Bare ass naked. Getting washed. Getting a pedicure. They were specific and I knew EXACTLY what they wanted, and delivered! They ate it all up and begged for more.
It was fun and easy because I knew just what they wanted and could predict the next thing they would want. Flip flops first. Then dirty feet. Then clean feet. Then pedicured feet. Same with every other desire from my audience.
How you can apply this today: What is your community always asking questions or complaining about? After you solve that issue, what’s the next issue they would likely have? And the next? I’m not saying you need to plan out all of your content, just make sure you’re aware that there is ALWAYS a next step to take them. Do it. Take them there. It’s what they’re hoping for, without even realizing it.
BE CONSISTENT IN EVERYTHING THAT’S IMPORTANT
When I started my first website, I was uploading content whenever I felt like it. I would post new photos and videos whenever the mood struck and I felt like getting in front of the camera. Same for livestreaming.
But that meant that sometimes, weeks would go by without me sharing anything, and when people are paying for your content, they expect to ya know, actually RECEIVE it! After the 3rd complaint about lack of updates, and a bunch of membership cancellations, I realized I needed to take things more seriously and stay on task.
I made a commitment to a weekly video, a weekly album of photos, and a weekly chat with livestreaming. Surprisingly, it was easy! Knowing that I had to do X, Y, and Z - having that plan in place - made it easy to focus on getting it done instead of spending my days lazing around, doing a whole lot of fuck all. I even started giving MORE than what I promised.
Once I was consistent with my updates, my membership increased and I started receiving so many compliments and “thank you’s” from my community. It felt good to deliver what I’d promised and more!
How you can apply this today: Make a list of the top 5 or so MUST-DO tasks for your business. These are the tasks that will make you money, grow your community, and/or make you happy. 🙂 Then - STICK WITH IT, constantly reminding yourself of the benefit of doing so.
INVEST IN SUPPORT AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY
I didn’t know that personal, 1:1 coaching, existed when I was in the adult industry, otherwise I would have taken full advantage of it and likely made WAY more money than I did, but I WAS aware that I needed to invest in my education of the industry.
I attended a bunch of conferences and workshops and immersed myself in the content. I spoke to the big-name leaders in the industry. I’m still friends with a few of them today!
I took full advantage of every opportunity that came my way in the way of learning how to grow my business in this industry. And it worked! I collaborated with other models, with other photographers, with other website owners, I tested and tweaked new strategies, and my income went WAY up! As did my knowledge and my confidence. 🙂
How you can apply this today: Hire some goddamn help already! Stop holding on to your money, hoping to “save it” by learning everything you can on your own. You definitely can do this, but it will take you MUCH longer and a lot of headache and frustration along the way. If you want to get results quickly, hire a mentor, join a program or attend a workshop. Just do SOMETHING that will give you the support you need to grow your empire!
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO GET YOU AND SUPPORT YOU
I tried to do it on my own.
I found it hard to be friends with others in the industry because I was jealous of and intimidated by them. I also thought it would be weird to be friends with males in the adult industry that I knew would see me naked.
But I soon realized it was way to freakin’ hard on my own. I just didn’t know enough. I felt like I was all alone. I couldn’t talk to my friends about it, or my family, or anyone really.. I felt like an outkast and was totally overwhelmed, so eventually I caved and reached out to others in the industry. At first it was just to say hi, to build the relationship.
I noticed that most of them were really nice and generous with their time and sharing their knowledge with me. And surprise, surprise, the males were actually not creepy or weird at all. They were all business all the time. Total NORMAL people. I was friends with way more males than females during my few years in the industry and they treated me with more respect than most of the guys I’ve met who AREN’T in the adult industry!
It became important to me early on that I needed to surround myself with other people in the industry, who understood me and what I was dealing with at the time, and who would support me in any way they could. I couldn’t have had the success that I did if I didn’t form such strong bonds with the people that I did.
And I still feel that way today, and follow this rule with every business I’m involved in!
How you can apply this today: Ruthlessly eliminate anyone in your life who isn’t supportive of you. They will only hold you back and you’re worthy of moving forward and receiving more than what you have right now! Constantly grow your circle of friends with people who get you, who understand you, and yes, who SUPPORT you in everything you do.
It’s true, everything I know about business I learned from porn!
I’m so grateful I was involved in this industry.
I’m so grateful for the connections and relationships that came from it.
I’m so grateful for the lessons it taught me.
I’m so grateful it made me the smart businesswoman I am today.
There are lessons in everything you do. Even the bad times. Even the horrible times. Even the reckless times. Pay attention! Learn and improve. 🙂